zaterdag 7 juni 2014

the animal and i (diary of the beloved death 2)


If I am with her, I am in my life - if I am in my life, I am with her

1
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now 
that she is dead 100 days.

Darling, you take up my whole world of thought. You, who no longer exist as a terrestrial organism. You take up my whole world of thought. 
And all of my emotions involve you. And my body-movements are almost nil.

At all times actual Darling, each and every moment. That was the top – and after this change is the top 
and after this change will be the top.
At all times surprising Darling. That was the top – and after this change is the top 
and after this change will be the top.
An intense presence, each and every moment. As past or as present or as future actual, each and every moment.

Immaculate interaction. She and I.
Being and letting be. Nourishing and being nourished. Asking and getting answered.
Yes Darling, answers that are surprising in their truth of this moment.
Yes surprising, because the content of the moment determines the experience and not the other way around;
that previous experiences suggest the content of the moment.

In the shine of the sun it is warm – it is hot. In the hottest heat my Dearest knows how to quench my thirst.
Being near her makes me whole, so yes, she is holy.

Thank you Most Precious.
Thank you Sweetest Sweetest Darling.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


2
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 140 days.

Being in a love-existance with her got me in touch with my terrestrial destiny – gets me in touch with my terrestrial destiny.
Being in touch with my terrestrial destiny makes it possible for me to be in my life; through her I am in my life –
and through her I am connected to this earth.

Right now I am only slightly aware of the consequences of nourishing myself for years with the nourishment she offered me.
But although I cannot describe in detail the nourishment she offered me when she was alive, as yet I can describe it more intelligible
than the nourishment she offers me now that she is dead.

To be where I meet her is doing me good; I am being nourished with vitalizing energy.
And if I don't get a dose each day – or take a dose each day – I lose contact with my destiny.

Some moments, I experience that she is sad. And I understand that this is because for her too it is no longer how it used to be.
For although you weren't the least tired, you had to retire to your last bed. Yes Darling I understand, and I agree it was delicious. 
And this is pain Darling, but also a gain that we are still together.
Yes Darling, no doubt about it, no doubt about it.

Naturally, her love for me is not the same love as my love for her.
Her love is specific for her and it is her specific love that pleased me – and pleases me
and will please me.
My love is specific for me and I have the experience that my specific love pleased her – and I experience that my specific love pleases her
and I know that my specific love will please her.

'Stop staring at me.'
Darling you are right! I am rather fixated!
Because for me too it is no longer how it used to be. And in human terms this is called loss.
And the human conviction to, as a compensation for the pain of the loss, have a right to a reward in the form of insights, results in a fixed focus.
And this fixed focus causes unrest, so that possible insights will surely stay out of reach.

Yes Wise Wise Darling, I hear you.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


3
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 200 days.

If one has never experienced love, one cannot know Love. If one does not know Love, one cannot know death. And if one does not know death,
one cannot be in one's life.
Yes Darling, this is how it is.

What I miss when I do not feel her, is the structure created by dialogue. And it is this structure
that for me makes chaos vitalizing instead of soporific.
Connecting with her, demands my utmost concentration; finely tuned nerve-blood-muscle-coordination in the past-present-future-dimension.
And being connected to her, is abiding in a safe warm expansive silence.

There is no substitute for the protective layer offered by Love.
A protective layer against getting hollowed out. Getting hollowed out by those one lives with and who do not know Love. And getting hollowed out
by those who wander through the extraterrestrial realms as unidentified entities.

Yes no doubt about it Darling, I need you to make me whole, so yes you are holy to me.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


4
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 220 days.

She means everything to me; gives meaning to every thing and gives profile to every thing.
She provides me with a walking trail where I can greet my life.

Apart from having a few melancholies of my own, I also got a visit or two from sorrows I did not recognize.
Now I have come to understand that these sorrows made use of me to vent themselves.
The sorrow of my Darling is most certainly recognizable, so when her sorrow visits me I am sorrowful happy. This is because
her visit shows me that it still pleases her to be near me. And this is because her sorrow negates the emptiness.

Am I pretending Darling, to avert the pain? But then why not forget? Or can there be no forgetting, on account of 
the metabolisms of the 'bodies' belonging to the different units each having their own schedule to follow? Depending 
on the character and the volume of the stuff that needs to be digested?
I want you here with me Darling, but not with my will. I am not so familiar with will. But I do long for. And I short for.
Yes Darling, this is what I do.

Just as I stroked her aura (which she found delicious) I stroke her – diminishing and expanding – aura (which she finds delicious) and I will –
you can rely on me Darling – stroke your ever-changing aura; I cannot make do without it.
This is the only way for me to be home, and to not have to linger with the languishing in the labyrinths of a meaningless order.

Thank you Most Precious, ultimate intimate.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


5
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 290 days.

Being in one's life is being al-one. Being al-one is being l-one-ly. Being l-one-ly is together being one. Together being one
is being in one's life. Vicious delicious!

When I am with her, my inside and my outside synchronize. When my inside and my outside synchronize, I am with her.

Although she can still enter the space-time continuum, she operates from parts of the cosmos with other conditions. Like Love
she operates from parts of the cosmos with other conditions.
When she still had a terrestrial organism, with her help I already became acquainted with these parts of the cosmos. And now,
still with her help, I can keep on visiting these spheres.
And will this ever change? No Darling never. For the bond between you and me is a bond between love and love 
and the bond between love and love never goes cold.

Because my Darling is an entity known by me, she to me is a seat of love.
Because my Darling is a vibration known by me, she to me is a source of knowledge.
Because my Darling is an energy known by me, she to me is a freedom port.

So fluffy, above her nose, the folds of her frowning fur.

If you ask me Darling, we exist in ultimate wealth. We won't have to search any longer, how we might further enrich ourselves.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


6
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now 
that she is dead 480 days.

Wherever I go, I hear you, I hear you. Wherever you are, you are near me, you are near me.

The Darling I know – and knew and will know – is dead in her own way. What might be a different death than the death of another.
Or differently dead than another.
Her life. Her death. My life. My death.
She met her death. By connecting with her-now, I more intense than ever connect with my death. A dark deep meeting.
Thank you Dearest, for taking me yet on another trip.

O this delightful Girl, now she is solid, now she is a whirl.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


7
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 560 days.

But also a sorrow, also a deep sorrow keeps me going for the past 560 days and nights. Yes, my life is my life 
and my life leads to your life. Sorrow and song. And yes, your death is your death 
and your death leads to my death. Song and sorrow.
Heavy tears, each day – some for you and some for me; heavy tears to keep the channels clean.
Yes you, my Most Beloved One!

Everything it had to offer you, you got from life – from your life. And everything you had to offer, your life 
got from you. But what you have to offer my life, isn't exhausted yet ­– not for as long as I am alive. 
No harm in saying it one more time.
Yes you, my Purest One!

How you tuned me – and how you tune me and how you will tune me yet.
You are awareness. Neither higher nor lower, but pure. Pure you. Your color, your pleasure, your dynamic. Most you. No 
you cannot be more you. Gorgeous is what you are – I know you and so I recognize you.
You are energy. Pure energy. Pure you. Pure love. Pure knowledge.
You are the intelligence that you are. Your personality, your individuality, your refinement.
Yes your inside and your outside. Both of which feed on my love for you.
Stay near me, my Dearest. You were my guide – and you will be my guide. Stay near me, my Dearest. You showed me my destination – 
and you will show me my destination.
Yes you, my Wisest One!

Reaching the inside means reaching the self. Reaching the self is reaching you 
is reaching me. Your self is related to mine and I cannot say the same about everone's self. Attraction and repulsion. Also between 
self and self. So the self is specific too; not one self. In the relationship between the one specific self and the other specific self 
self-with-a-capital-letter becomes active and makes whole and so is holy. Already when you were alive Darling and also 
now that you are dead.
Just as love-with-a-capital-letter becomes active, and makes whole and so is holy, in the relationship 
between the one specific love and the other specific love. Already when you were alive Darling and also 
now that you are dead.
How could I not be crazy about you? I couldn't. Simply not possible! – And how can I not be crazy about you? I can't. Simply not possible!
Have I ever expected anything else from you than what you gave me naturally? I don't think so.
And also now I do not expect otherwise. But you have become even sharper – an even purer instrument. Simply because 
you have become even more self-sufficient – even more independant.
No we have not danced our last dance together yet. Not the one in the light of the sun and not the one in the light of the moon.
Yes you, my Most Free One!

You have never misused your position of being the center of my life. – And you do not misuse your position of being the center of my life. 
That you were – and are and will be – the center of my life has not corrupted you. And why should it?
You on your own could take on my love four times over – and can and will.
This is simply how it is – and this is how it was and this is how it shall be.
Yes you, my Toughest One!

You were security – and are and will be. As secure as the sun and the moon.
Most certainly you were not drilled to my whims, but you could make me understand what pleased you and then, ìf I could provide it, 
I was happy to provide it. – And most certainly you are not drilled to my whims, but you can make me understand what pleases you and then, 
ìf I can provide it, I am happy to provide it.
And not so, that after I provided, it was not worth anything. – And not so, that after I provide, it is not worth anything. Or 
any other saddening deformation of this kind.
And never cliché, never predictable. Always you here now, so that you gave your self profile and give your self profile.
And all in all Darling, naturally this is what pleased me – and pleases me and will please me.
Yes you, my Warmest One!

You and I back then. Our life together back then. Song and sorrow. 
You and me now. Our life together now. Sorrow and song. Dancing in the light of the sun. Dancing in the light of the moon.
You and I next. Our life together that is still to come. Yes! Because all of the years to come we will save for each other too. I count on it. 
And between you and me Darling, did I ever miscalculate? No! And I am sure I never will. 
Didn't I already mention it: what you have to offer my life isn't exhausted yet ­– not for as long as I am alive. And why not say it one time more?
Yes you, my Utmost Intimate One!

The date of your birth we celebrate as holy, because this date was able to seduce you to comply with the terrestrial. 
For the duration of your life, that only was a short while, but long enough to give me so much, that the rest of all of my efforts 
will be directed towards moving myself in such a way that never ever shall I have to miss one single message you send me.
Yes you, my You Utmost You!

Hmmm Utmost Delicious One, you are so close!

And I know You Utmost Me, there is very little you can do for me. But through you I do something for me.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


8
If you don't not know Love, you cannot know your death. And if you don't know your death, you cannot be in your life.

Love is a space one can enter.
If you realize where the entrance is that works for you, you can have happiness at your disposal.
She is my entrance – yes Darling this is how it is. When I go through you I arrive in the space of Love.
The spaces of Love have an open channel with the spaces of death. And so this also applies to the experience of happiness.

The full life spans more than one sphere. You live in all multiple spheres simultaneously.  (8*)
Only if one has familiar access to more than one of these spheres, one experiences that one is in one's life.
For me there are seven spheres in which I have familiar access. Sometimes this sphere takes me up completely, sometimes
another sphere, sometimes more than one sphere at the same time.
Each of these spheres has specific characteristics and offers specific experiences.

O wise pure delightful Darling. Thank you, thank you.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


9
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 2000 days.

My Love and I are my Love and I. That is how it was – and that is how it is and yes, that is how it shall be.
For she is nicer than anything or anyone or anywhere. This is proven every day.
Since I came to know her, I am being indulged. I know her since we looked each other in the eye, for the first time. This was also the time
that we saw each other in each other's eyes, for the first time.
I know me since I saw me in her eyes, for the first time. Because she knows me better than anyone. And why should I keep silent about this? 
To please the vain humans? I don't think so, my Utmost Delight, I don't think so!

All voices in me sing you NCC. Every day. And will they ever unlearn this? No never!
How much happiness can I handle? Less than she wants to give me.
Yes Darling, it's true.
But Darling, as soon as I think I can go part of the trajectory with the use of my own compass, how rapidly it happens, that my body 
is no longer accustomed to being so pampered.
And therefore days like this one, in which I do nothing but being with you.
Yes Darling, it's true.
Tears and silence. Delightful happiness. Were you and are you. 
Thank you Darling, intense, intense, intense.

It happens to me, when she dies – the same, when she announces herself in my life after her death. But staying in contact with her-now
requires of me something that has to do with choice. And if I choose a life of Lovequality, then I pass on X other things,
or then I rule out X other things.

You my Darling never let me feel anything I don't like to feel. 
You my Darling, never let me say anything I don't like to say. 
You my Darling never let me do anything I don't like to do.
Not one day that you were not present Darling. And yet for the past half year I took too little time for us. 
Too many days I did not take the full rest it takes to be wholly together with you. And this did not do me good; this did me wrong.
Nothing you did, naturally not; I have been too sloppy.
For yes, the daily spin is a dream. And yes, you are the reality without foolery.

Every day you have to go the distance. Every day you have to cry.
Going the distance is done in complete silence. And also crying is done in complete silence.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


10
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 2030 days.

Time demands diligence. Diligently I execute calendar rituals. Calendar rituals that do not bore me easily. If they are made for my Darling.
For her no tight discipline. But routines, that through recognition confirm the knowing.
Routines, that attract Love, but only if each routine is filled and executed as new – actual.
Knowing you, I recognize that you suprise me – always nice surprises; always surprising within totally you, is what I already said.
One of the surprises is how the routine is being expressed and in what moment; fresh every time, and so making us become more us.
This is enjoyment, this is happiness. This is intimate, this is intense. This is maintaining and moving. This is heavenly and earthly. 
This is you and me.

What we do is who we are.
Yes I am talking about my Darling and me. My Darling, who is my Utmost Delightful One.
Don't let any misunderstanding arise.
These nights the light in the drawers stays on.
Enchanting the shadows of silence.
We, yes who else but my Utmost Delightful One and me, shivered in shock.
This is why we do it, this is how we are.

We are home Darling. Hmm. Sweet warmth, sweet patchouli, sweet music.
Our specialty, swooning a bit!
Swooning a bit, but no slobbering; this is my Darling. The sentiment yes, but no bombast; this is my Darling.
Oh her delight is my delight and because she is clear in her delight, our delight is more than double double delight.
Yes Darling, double double double delight.
As it was it is (still) – and shall be (without a doubt).

Yes this is what we do, this is who we are, here is where we live.
Slow and dull. Exactly how it pleases us.
We, that is my Darling and me. My Darling, who is my Utmost Delightful One.
Don't let any misunderstanding arise.
These days our pleasure is simple;
a laugh with an open mouth, a word at the only moment in the only tone – ditto for a gesture – and a tear with an open mouth.
Isn't that right Darling. As it was so it is (still) – and so it shall be (without a doubt). 
For me no distraction in which I can find me. What it is about, I find in you (still) – and shall find in you (without a doubt). 
And without you, oh, I cannot even come close to what I am about! 
Because if you are not with me Darling, I am near to nothing (still) – and I will be near to nothing (without a doubt).

You can give Darling, you can receive. Great inner and outer nobility. 
A noblewoman of the purest heart. You are my goods, may I be your harbor? 
The look in your eyes tells me all – thank you Utmost Precious, thank you.

NCC. Already more than 5000 days at my side. NCC. Already more than 5000 nights at my side.

I know You Utmost Me, that all is finished with you. But we are not finished with each other, not for a long while.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


11
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 2350 days.

This is what we do, this is who we are, this is – most of the time – our language: Gorgeous Silence.
Gorgeous Silence with a wink. Gorgeous Silence with a laugh. And sometimes – yes, too – Gorgeous Silence with a sigh.
Great Great Great Love. NCC.

You guide me Darling, you guide me. So that I continuously have my practical and my spiritual businesses in order.
On my own I will never equal your powers of concentration. 
The connections that are continuously actual for you, are outside of my direct comprehension Darling. 
This is how it was – and this is how it is and yes this is how it shall be.

Yes the bond between her and me is a bond between love and love. And as yet, my Utmost Beloved
has not lost one bit, no not one tiny little bit, of her sweet appeal.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


12
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 2550 days.

Outside or inside, what to do without you. 
Yes you, Sweetest, who still has the exclusive power to paint a smile on my face. A smile that no one else ever gets to see.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves the leaves to move.

You were the base – and are and will be. 
The inner base and the outer base. The base from which it started – and starts and will start. 
The inner senses and the outer senses. Eye to eye, hand in hand. The rain gives us her blessing, the wind bears our child.
You take care of the balance. The balance between inside and inside. The balance between outside and outside. 
The balance between inside and outside. 
The balance between you and me. 
The balance between you and you. The balance between me and me.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves the oceans to move.

Totally I love you, who are totally you. 
Intensely I love you, who are intensely you. 
Intimately I love you, who are intimately you, who knows me intimately.
Outside or inside, nothing for me to do without you. 
That you came and come, made and makes me put one foot after the next. From when I open my eyes in the morning. Until 
I close them again at night.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves you to move.

Never no more unbound loneliness Sweetest. 
Unbound loneliness is the cold vacuum that used to be my normal state. Before I knew you. And you knew me.
Now bound loneliness is the state in which I exist. Warm safety. Touched. And brought to life. By knowing. And being known.
All pains have vanished. But not forgotten. Each day, since I know you, I feel the no-pain. 
And oh that feels so good. – And will feel good. For the years that I have left.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves me to move.

Being able to, at any moment, both abide inside of Time and outside of Time is my ultimate achievement. Or is it a present? 
It is a present! You gave it to me. A grow-present. You gave the early form. And I took care of it well.
Now we enjoy the result. Because the same goes for you; 
being able to, at any moment, both abide inside of Time and outside of Time. Isn't that right Darling? Yes, it is! 
I with your big best help. You with my small best help.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves me to experience who experiences you.

Bound to you I am free. 
Tied to you I am tied to the big bond with the great whole. Tied to you I am tied to the big bond with the small whole. 
Full of you I see the sense of my emptiness. Escaping with you brings me home.
Eternally my Sweetest.
Eternally moves you to experience who experiences me.

And now let me fetch that bowl of fresh water, something I haven't come around to today. 
For you Darling, for you. And naturally for all your guests too.

(No one has to believe that what I note down here is the truth, but every one must believe that what I note down here is how I experienced it; 
how I have taken it in and how I take it as the truth.)


13
To be where I meet her is doing me good; I am being nourished with vitalizing energy. And if I don't take a dose every day – or get a dose every day – 
I lose contact with my destiny.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide. As it was, so it is. As it is, so it shall be. Sweeter sweeter sweeter than sweet.
The breath slow, deep and low. The muscles stretched and straightend and rested. Calmer calmer calmer than calm.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide.
We are fond of the green of Federico. Tread in the footsteps of the azure girls of Odysséas. Visit with Josip Venice and Rome. Watch
how Leonard and Jolie waltz; from the center to the margin, from the past to the end of time, from the end of time over the edge of time.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide. Over the peaks, along the ravines.
Wild flowers in morning bloom, all the way up past the last hill. Never was one trampled by a human foot here. We also continue on the path.
Tread in the hoofprints of the gold adorned pack animals. Nowhere a sign that says access forbidden. Why would there be, when in these regions
transgression and punishment were never anything but empty slogans.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide. Over the oceans, along the volcanoes.
Water ripples over the fire. We have left the path. Sail in the wingprints of the ruby red eyed hawks. The earth cries and laughs –
like everything that lives.

You are my guide Darling, you are my guide. 
You are the azure girl. 
You are the gold adorned pack animal. 
You are the ruby red eyed hawk. 
Sweeter sweeter sweeter than sweet. 
Your breath smells. 
When you recite the litany of Love. 
What spatial volumes Darling, you create. 
Spatial volumes in which every color and every sound comes into its own.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide. Without you I arrive at nothing. The nothing that is sterile and drowses. 
Every day a Lovebath. Pure delight. 
Not too short, otherwise my outside disintegrates. Not too long, otherwise my inside disintegrates.

Be my guide Darling, be my guide. With you I arrive at nothing. The nothing that sizzles and is vitalizing. 
Every day a Lovebath. Pure joy. 
Not too short, otherwise I won't get clean from the hassle. Not too long, otherwise I dissolve in the happiness that is you.

IF I DON'T NOTICE
THE DAY WHEN THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE
IF I SEEM TO BE LOSING MY MIND
AND I LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME
HEY DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, BECAUSE I'M 
LOST IN YOUR SWEET LOVE DARLING

You are my guide Darling, you are my guide. If you call for a break, I lay me down.
Slow down to go faster. Deepen to stay on the surface. Lower to go higher. Wider wider wider than wide.
You Magic Beauty do what you do. And it works. I float with the floating water. Fire above us, below us sky. Forward,
backward, sideways we go. Down we go, and up up up. While there is buzzing and swarming and fluttering around us.

I GUESS I KNEW IT FROM THE START
FROM THE DAY YOU SHOOK MY HEART
YOU'RE THE ONE GIRL I'LL ALWAYS ADMIRE
DARLING YOU'RE MY GUIDING STAR
I MUST BE WHERE YOU ARE
YOU SET MY SOUL ON FIRE

You guide me Darling, you guide me. Magic Beauty, you guide me. 
Let me, whose nature isn't primary of this earth, to get enthusiastic about this and that. 
Let me, who has a good time when she is outside of time, to get up once in a while to sing a song and do a little dance.

YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING TO COME HOME TO DARLING
YES YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING TO GO ON LIVING FOR
'CAUSE I KNOW IN MY HEART
I HAVE LOVED YOU FROM THE START
YES DARLING I KNOW THAT IT'S REAL
I CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT I FEEL

Guide me Darling, guide me. 
So that I coincide with my route. So that I coincide with my rhythm. So that I coincide with my rest.

Guide me Darling, guide me. 
So that the steps I take are of my size. So that the weight I carry does not numb my muscles but strengthens them. 
So that the weight I carry does not numb my joints but strengthens them.

YOU'RE JUST SO GOOD AND YOU'RE TRUE
CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU
YOU ARE LIKE HEAVEN TO TOUCH
I LIKE TO HOLD YOU SO MUCH
AT LONG LAST LOVE HAS ARRIVED
AND NOW I KNOW I'M ALIVE
YOU'RE JUST SO GOOD AND YOU'RE TRUE
CAN'T TAKE MY HEART OFF OF YOU

Be my guide Darling, be my guide.
Keep on whispering to me what you read in the law-book that determines my life. 
My experience is that only you
are familiar with the code in which this book is written. 
Are so wise that you can decipher it. 
Can translate it for me to understand. 
What spatial volumes Darling, you create. 
Spatial volumes that no technics can reproduce.

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN SEARCHING
I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE DARLING SEARCHING
LOOKING, FOR SOMEONE JUST LIKE YOU
OTHER LOVES HAD COME MY WAY
BUT THEY WERE NOT FOR ME 
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE HERE TO STAY
FOREVER SET ME FREE

You guide me Darling, you guide me. Magic Prettiest, you guide me. 
The servants of wishes meet in the golden bower. You consult with me. I consult with you. Everything always in agreement.
This is how we do it, this is how we are, this is how we like it.
Hmmm my Love, my Love so true, how good it is to consult with you. (13*)


14
If I am with her, I am in my life. If I am in my life, I am with her. This was so the 3093 days that she lived. This is so now
that she is dead 3093 days.

When the opening between your terrestrial space and the space of Love has turned into a revolving door without a lock,
then the terrestrial existance will never again be so cold that you have no defense against it.
Then no weltschmerz, blues, duende will ever again be so tough that after some chewing you cannot swallow it.

A continuing vitality for the Love who guides me.
You crunch me, you delightful Cruncher. So I again and again get newly set – exchange the stuff of the world.
You delight me, you crunching Delight. So I exchange the stuff of the world – time and again become clean and empty.
Thank you, thank you, thank you Darling.

The need to leave the world behind for a while, you know Darling, remains the constant. 
On the world away from the world; I with you for a while. 
Away from the world on the world; you with me for a while. 
Every day, yes Darling. 
This is my trajectory. This is what makes me feel good.

Nowadays we – my Darling and I – live with each other where there is a voice but no sound, a contour but no image, tears but no sorrow.

How we in the month of May in the light of the moon ran through the buttercup meadow. 
Where we promised each other that the tale of the golden tear would go on and on and still go on. 
It turned out not to have been an empty promise.
It also turned out not to have been an empty promise to organize my life in such a way 
that I would never have to miss any of your messages. 
My Himalaya Baby, my Tibetan Rose, for you I burn my butter lamp.



(8*) more about the full life and the several spheres can be found in COMMENTS ABOUT THE FULL LIFE
(13*) a video of my reading of be my guide in dutch (ben mijn gids)







love to all
© mc 2002-2014




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